And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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