dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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