Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
