the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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