he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize
