i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
