ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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