South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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