Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
