I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
