she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
