Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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