thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
