When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
