week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
