I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
