'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
