i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
