If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
