If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
