Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
