Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
