I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
