This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
