I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i wish my penis had a tongue
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
