I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
