Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Randomize
