He kissed a someone with a penis
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
