u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
