There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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