It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
