Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
