Can i not drive my cunt home
I can tuck mytits in my pants
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
