She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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