Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
