Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
