well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
i've created a new STD.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
