I've blown a few things in my day
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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