Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
