this beer tastes like vomit already
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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