mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
