That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
