Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
