Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
