Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
