He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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