Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
