I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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