i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
