That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
