i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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